What is love?!?!

     Is it that feeling you get when you see that hot woman / guy walking down the street and you have this overwhelming urge to run over to them and ask them to marry you right then and there? Is it when you've lived with someone for years and you know them so well that they barely have to speak anymore because you already know what they are going to say? Or is it just that thing that you use to describe how close someone is too you?
     I think it's that bond that you have to something. It doesn't have to be a man, women, or even a pet; it could really be anything that you formulate a special bond with. Something that connects with you on a level that not very many things can. No-one can really say what they are going to love, or even what they do love all of the time.  Sometimes you don't even know how much you have loved something until it is gone.
     Sadly enough, this is the case more often then not.  I'm sure most of us have had that "love of our life", and didn't really realize it until they were gone. Either because we pushed them away like an idiot; or because we weren't smart enough to realize what we had. But I guess that is just a part of life; isn't it better to have loved and lost than to have never of loved at all?  Say that to the mother or father that just lost their child to a drunk driver, or to the expecting mother that just lost her husband in war.  Say that to the guy that had a really good friend until last night, when he lost him forever.
     Did I throw you for a loop on that last one? That is because I'm not writing this about a women that I have lost, or to be melodramatic about some romantic topic.   I'm writing this because I have just recently lost
a good friend. However, I'm not sure if that friend knew just how much I had bonded with him.
     Is it gay for a guy to love another guy? If you say, yes than you are either insecure, immature, emotionless, or just a plain asshole that should be shot in the face with pepper spray every morning to remind you how much of an ass you are and how much the world really doesn't want you in it.
     However if you say no, then you are a real human being. I am not afraid to say how much I love my father or my brothers. Of which if you know me, I don't have any biological brothers; however, I do have a few
best friends that I love so much I consider them to be my family. They are the ones that I would give my life for, the ones that I would drop everything if they needed a hand picking up their yard, the ones that I have developed such a sense of loyalty and respect for, that I don't want to ever have to miss them.
     This is a type of bond that I had developed for my friend Nick C.  It may not have been as prominent as with some of my other friends, but it was there. Nick earned my respect by always being there for his
friends. He knew who to keep close and who to push away. We were of the same mind, but different spirit. I wish there was something I could have done.
     I'm not saying all of this to reminisce or invoke a sense of sadness to my readers. I'm saying this to get it off my chest. Because for once in my life, I truly miss someone. I am truly and deeply sad. I am not the emotional type; I have a skewed outlook on life, compared to many others.
     There are people that you expect to pass on, and those you don't.  I can handle the expected ones. The ones that I go to war with, or the ones that are just reaching their time. I feel bad because I don't have the emotion that I should when they do pass. However, I do feel a sense of happiness, because I was there with them when they were here. Is that wrong of me? Am I some kind of freak?
     I had one of my grandparents pass away a few years back, and I didn't "feel" a thing. I was sad, yes. However, it wasn't the extent of sadness that most display. Mine was more because I didn't feel anything and I knew that I should have. I loved my Grandpa very much, and I miss seeing him and listening to his wisdom. He was a great grandpa and an amazing person. But, yet I remained empty.
     Was this because I just came back from Iraq and I was used to death, or because I'm some kind of sociopath that lacks any type of feeling what so ever? I think it was just because it was an expected thing. We all expect for our grandparents to pass and then our parents and then finally ourselves. However, we never  expect for our brothers, sisters, friends, or other loved ones to pass at such a young age.
     I believe this is why I feel for Nick. I didn't expect him to pass. I didn't want him to pass. I wanted him to be there when I went home, so we could hang out, BS, and party a bit. We always enjoyed life when we were around each other. There was the usual BS about how this and that sucks, but for the most part we were celebrating that we are here to be what we are and the rest can just kiss our ass.
     I do however wish I would have taken the time to tell him that I love him. Maybe it would have made a difference, maybe it wouldn't have. Either way, I think everyone deserves to know when someone else has love for them. I also think that when someone realizes that they love someone, they shouldn't hide it. So what of the consequences that it may entail. I can honestly say that if someone pushes me away because I love them, than it is not me that has the issue.
     With that said, I would like to take this moment to tell a few people out there that I love them.

     - All of my family members, not just immediate family, ALL FAMILY!!!

     - All of my best friends / brothers / military family: Mike T., Brandon T., Todd C., RT C., Joe S., Nick F., Travis Q., Leo S., Joe N., Adam Y., Jeff F., Kevin H., Dennis C. (Ski), Sam P., Jimmie P., Matt B., Nick T., Tim H., .... I'm sure I forgot a few, but it's hard to remember everyone off the top of my head, because I care for so many people.

     - All of my best friends / sisters / military family (if your married now, I'm using your maiden name): Anne S., Becky S., Chelsea C., Britt S., Darlene C., Desiray N., Jenna M., Jessie R., Jill Y., Jocelyn W., Jamie P., Kara ?., Kim T., Brandy L., Michelle M., Tamika ?, Kim N., Kim ?, Heather P., Melissa T., Katie S., Sabrina P. .... Again, I'm sure there are more, and you can all yell at me if you read this and realize I forgot you. But for right now, I have to move on.

     Now I have lost myself in trying to think of everyone that I have love for. I guess that is because there are so many people that I truly care for. I am a loving person and wish I could help everyone. However that is not always the case and I have to do what I can for those that I can. I just wish the people that needed help would ask for it; but, that is a different subject I may touch on later.
     For now, just know that if you love someone, or you feel that you would miss them if they were gone, you should tell them as soon as you can. Like a wise friend of mine once said, "Don't regret what you didn't do, regret what you did" (Nick F.).  Now don't take that too literal, but if you're smart, you get the point of what he was trying to say. So, until next post, I hope this has helped or influenced you in some way for the better.


by: Chad L. Ries